I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
