In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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