I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
