Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
