Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
