Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
