Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
