Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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