I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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