Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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