he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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