I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
