Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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