Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
