she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
