It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
