yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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