i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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