If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
