Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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