when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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