Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
