He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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