someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
