I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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