That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
