No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
