I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
