No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Never joke about your clitoris.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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