my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
