Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize