someone owes me an orgasm
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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