and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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