life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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