Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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