I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
