you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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