I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
