hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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