If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
