I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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