i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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