Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
