It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
