She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
