its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
