My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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