Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
