I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
