I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
