I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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