Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
