ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
