apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
