I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
