Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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