Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
