Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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