Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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